I can't be afraid to set up structure in my house just because my ex is willing to exploit that. Ah, sweet. Depending on the specific child custody order, the mother has no right to remove visitation rights from the child’s father without court interference. One guy beat me and never ever worked, one was a drunk & drug addict who never paid a single bill, rent food, clothes... nothing. My son also acknowledged that dad never bad talks mom. I am now embarking on the beginning's of my first book. How To Fight A False Allegation Retraining Order, Dept. You get to decide what to do. Then, because I was in graduate school for psychology, I used the resources in their library to become educated about what it was and what I could do about it - I even devoted a semester's project to it. My daughters continue to white wash their dads and publically bash me on facebook and to all of my family members. Hopefully this disease will be named 'offically' quite soon and these perps will be put in the corner into which they must be placed to face their fears which drive them to control others. The truth is usually there. Also, it is true that mothers-daughters have sometimes complicated relationships. What kind of person resorts to the manipulation of a young child in turning her against her mother? Some if us are just the scapegoats for idiots that get clean away. They are quick to assign the role of care taker to moms. I always tell my daughter I am here for you, but now that there is no more patenting plan he can do anything he wants to influence her. I have come across a site that seems to support moms. She tried turning my family against me claiming domestic violence. Today's family court system is bogged down with parents who cannot even hold a job or stay sober long enough to care for their children. You Have no right to talk to her that way. The wish is to win the child to their own side so that they will be permanently allied with them against the other. I have a huge family, & many friends who still are in SHOCK. I actually think there needs to be research into whether normal loss of access to children causes women to experience PTSD or other symptoms. You can even tell her to get counselling if she canвЂ™t back off and stop projecting onto you that repetitive story. He would never talk bad about her. By the way, don't post another picture that you were not given. I have only just come across them term 'Parental Alienation' as there is no information about it in the UK. Needless to say I let him stay and married him. What You MUST know about restraining orders. It is the father and mother who must stand united; not the child and parent. I hope your well and look forward to a response soon. My health isn't the greatest. 4. Not saying fathers not seeing kids is fair (nor do I support his and I get angry with women who I see want to alienated the fathers and take all their money for child support). Where is the answer? Therefore they have completely shut me out. It is awful to live life this way and I struggle with it each and every day. ... 16 Year Old Rights Against Parents. Alice is quite good expressing her thoughts, it is the Queen that drags her in mental circles. Maybe encourage her to talk about the fear she is feeling and ask her why she is feeling that way or making those assumptions. Now I worry about the younger 2 kids, but I have learned that I am going to be the same mother I have always been. It is the father and mother who must stand united; not the child and parent. I do have hope. Get in touch soon ladies and take care. My daughter was shouting at me and screaming that she did not want him to go, she said if I made him go she would hate me. She would always say that my Dad "Was trying to turn me against her." There's my "pity party" for this year. Sometimes the undermining can come been done through little situations, gestures or innuendos. You Go, Girlfriend. I left a abusive husband of 34 years, which they did not see, he would abuse me behind closed doors,emotionally, spiritual ly, n physically.I can only see grandkids when he is their, and he puts on his show of doing husband. Are you seething with resentment at the father of your children? Children who are beaten, starved, sold into sexual slavery, children who's every day existence is in jeopardy. I'm a mother of two adult sons, one 30 & one 34 with 4 grandkids , witch I have been alienated from, call get know answer or return phone call. As mother's day approaches I want to take a moment to unequivocally state that yes mothers even good mothers can lose their children to parental alienation. But in these past few months, I have let go of any expectations. I love my mom, but I have distanced myself for my own mental health these days. After all, we all have ways & methods that we have personally chosen to raise our children that we wouldn't want others to interfere with the family court system would rather not open Pandora's box. We have never publicly bashed you. Perhaps, instead of shutting her out (unless you are finding it too abusive for you), maybe try going to your mother and reassuring her that your father isnвЂ™t saying anything and that she doesnвЂ™t have to be so afraid of losing your love and the connection. Make sure to also put the children on the restraining order as co-victims by claiming that the father has put the children at risk or emotionally abuses them. I gave up on taking the high road for so many years because each time my daughters got more hateful. Thus, women seeking support and guidance from these groups may be given the message that they are mistaken and/or must stay silent. Manipulative tactics work on adults too. Or you can have a baby with him. Severe Parental Alienation: A Mental Health Emergency, Parental Alienation and the Bystander Effect, Recent Advances in Understanding Parental Alienation, It's Complicated: The Many Moods of Mother's Day. Prior to this we had begun a long distance relationship where his visits had not been that frequent. For a son dishonors his father, a daughter rises against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; a man's enemies are the members of his own household. Open mobile menu ... the courts are biased against fathers, rarely lose their kids this way. The weekend before we had the kids raking leaves. Many adults poison their spouses mind against his or her family too and alienate them and their children from their family groups. When mothers keep ending up with rotten men, everyone usually goes with it that it's really just her and the poor guys! That is fun, and hopeful, and positive. If people are honest, women arenвЂ™t really good at sharing their kids (and IвЂ™m not trying to put women down here, its just common sense) and they do have natural protective mommy instincts that kind of make them concerned that dad might not know how to do this or do that, or to take the best care, again, especially, if prior the father didnвЂ™t really do any of those things. Hi to both Jo's and all the other alienated parents. It's a child! his mother and him harassed me when i choose to keep the baby that i ended in the hospital due to high stress and almost missed carried. I was nice to them because I had to be and never called his dad names or say anything negative about him, except one time my son who was around 8 said his dad told him he had a dream he was sweating blood. Wishing you well - I try to respond to people who comment on my blog when they write about their personal PA story. Divorced parents who "brainwash" their children against ex-partners are guilty of “abuse”, the head of the agency that looks after youngsters' interests in family courts has said. You can find out more about that on my website www.amyjlbaker.com. In the larger scheme of things, children without fathers are … The child, as in any process of alienation against the father, identifies with the custodial parent, that is the mother, under whose control he/she lives. He sat across me and said вЂ�he had found his meal ticketвЂ™ and was getting married. (albeit whiners who are the sole reason that lawyers can floss their BMW's across town). Why do you go with some guy who never worked? You know in USA nobody forces you to pick a partner. IвЂ™m sure it is hard for them too, especially since society says вЂњdonвЂ™t hurt women, you are supposed to be their protectorsвЂќ and so they have difficulty standing up for their parental rights or going against women in court etc etc (though women can and do become targets for PA). Women get blasted for being alienating when if people had more understanding about biology perhaps they could get the proper understanding and support instead (in a way that helps fathers not to be alienated or etc). Or is she just not coping with shared custody and is paranoid or jealous of losing your love to the father? As long as the father was doing well in his life and was able to take care of my son, he had every chance to see him. I recently tried to contact a grown grandson only to gave him say i was lying because his grandmother is dead. Many times, I had thought about ending my relationship with my mom, but it was my Dad who encouraged me to not cut her off. Most all of the websites say it's the poor fathers and the mom's who talk badly about them. So sad. If you think about it in a logical way instead of in the current legal way, its really not natural to say to a woman вЂњHey, due to legal fairness and laws, you will only be able to see the fruit of your loins 1/2 the days of the week and the father that didnвЂ™t really change diapers or do this or that is going to take the child the other 1/2 of the time.вЂќ And you have to think if a woman can be okay with that, does she lack an attachment to her child or is being forced to go against her biological instincts (which is unnatural to some degree). The doctor provided a letter to the mother's solicitor which said "I have interviewed Billy and Sally at 2:10 pm in my surgery. Then i found out he was a pimp. MAMA, Where can I see the MAMA parental alienation site I just got divorced my husband over the course of 3 years in Iowa, USA removed my 12 year old daughter and put her in the middle of our divorce case had her seeing 2 therapists without my knowledge and basically turned her against me- he had her write the most horrible affadavit against me full of lies and then had her testify against me in court and I have nor seen her i 4 years I am a broken woman.Please help how could he get away with this he was granted permanent custody of her and my 10year old son becuase they believed his story they hated me and I was an unfit mother all lies I have been devastasted and my life has been destroyed along with me my children were my life and he took away my life please anyone where can I get helpI lost all my money trying to fight his attacks he had 2 lawyers and I was not working he stole all my money and the equity out of the house he is a criminal who got away with that too where is the justice > I cry nightly for my poor abused children who are a mess. If he doesnt have a job it is a bad sign. The issue rather, is that many women are at an unfair advantage because well…they are women. I am in therapy for this reason.His dad and step-mom play it off well that they got along with me perfectly and treated me splendidly. Children are impacted in a variety of ways when their father uses them as a tool to control their mother. First, I am so sorry for what you have been through. Feel free to reach out to me via my website if you want more information about parental alienation. You contact people on our friends' lists on facebook and try to be sneaky and tell horrific lies, not to mention that fact that you can't even spell my name right when you do it. Put another way, a mother who alienates the children against the father has a short-term gain against a long term loss. For the past 6 years, i was denied overnight visits despite a half inch thick stack of copies of court ordered parenting classes and counseling. While it is quite easy for our society to believe in the concept of brainwashing as it pertains to abductors or zealot dictators, it is quite another thing for those in our culture to admit that parents brainwash their own children. Then, you instantly cut off the children from their father at the very minute the order is issued. But only want my daughter with me so I may see her. I do work with many mothers who have been alienated. Any stories that anyone wants to donate would be gratefully received. The i instead if the o in many places. Who say's we must do this? I appreciate your honesty and your relentless persistence, only love can do that. It sounds like your mother is in a bit of distress as well and might not be coping well. After all, you havenвЂ™t said she is a drug addict, alcoholic, or abusive in any other way. It is really hard on occassions like today, especially when one appreciates how time passes all too quickly, to "take the high road", keep "positive" and optimistic. She has not moved back, but our relationship is better than it has been. the father of my child wanted me to get a abortion from the moment i told him i was pregnant. If the mother refuses to follow the order, she may be held in contempt. First, I am so sorry for what you have been through. Sorry to hear that you're suffering with this, too. I try not to dwell on that too much. In fact, I believe my mom died from a broken heart after she alienated my brother and kept him and their children away from my mother. I have not seen my 2 daughters for 13 YEARS. I have been physically and verbally abused with amazing language. You don't know her and are not qualified to judge her. I even changed my name legally because of the internet bashing my daughters constantly do! In that situation, a grandparent is in a position to seek custody of the child. Not your therapist. However I do know he has not got custody he has simply crowned the effect of having him live with him and alienated against me as a mom. There ! My Mom, however, would always complain about my Dad. My partner and I never say a bad word to her about her mum but I can assure you I could have with the amount of vitriolic hatred her mother has for me. ... access to the child, and (3) skillful use of alienation strategies. Instead of processing his anger, he has tried to make my life as miserable as possible. She is trying to build something for herself and you only care to claim her because she is pretty. But Alice, so trusting that she just needs to explain herself 'just right' and never once did it cross her mind that the Queen was just toying with her. They have good lives but seem to continously make the wrong decisions and when the results of those decisions are bad, they blame the mother for what they believe she did, or didn’t do to them when they were growing up. First, I am so sorry for what you have been through. It's hard to see Dad give the children more then Mom could ever afford. Looking back I felt I was held to ransom. I just hope my other two are strong enough to withstand the denigration. If you chose to pick some unfit person then you made a mistake. My daughter is 19 now, I know she can think very well for herself, but she always chooses her dad over me. I have a child from a previous relationship and no matter how much I hate his father, I have never used my child as a weapon. The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly. Both that way and the other way are being done to my kids by my ex husband right now. My mom tried to make me hate my Dad. Now, that i changed my name and disconnected, i still have never gained back my health. These are not the sole purview of either gender. I'm a writer and would be interested in sharing some of my story with you if you're still writing your book - mothers need to know about this. The truth is, this dad did a lot with my child. I am an alienated mother who did not know what PA was until my therapist told me. I work with a lot of parents whose children are now adults. This problem is not only about parental alienation. You will find support and info there, hope to see you there. They took my girls from Boulder CO. to London, & then Baton Rouge, LA. But mothering, Never has an end-date." There are other ways to deal with the situation than doing the black and white siding with one parent over the other which is kind of typical of alienation situations and is likely why people are doubting your story. MAMA. You can find out more about that on my website www.amyjlbaker.com. One common myth that seems to be "out there" in the world is that parental alienation is something that only happens to fathers and that mothers, because they tend to have residential custody and because (the theory goes) the courts are biased against fathers, rarely lose their kids this way. Harold Niman, the father's lawyer, said the decision serves as a wake-up call to parents who, "for bitterness, anger or whatever reason," decide to use their children … Respect and love for others? Or, if she is just hyper-emotional and scared of losing her child and just not coping well. I feel badly for my daughter actually, because some day, her children will learn that they had a grandmother they were prevented from meeting. Unfortunately this was not to be the case. Why do some women use a child against the father? If anyone else wants me to highlight their plights within my book I will be more than delighted to as the U.K has not got enough recognition into this painful abuse.
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